Saturday, December 25, 2004

I Wish I Had a River...I Could Skate Away On...

Subtitle: Nut-cracker Sweet!


Well, it’s Christmas Day, and I could be better. You see, I think I may have bronchitis. Of course, I don’t know because I’m too scared to go to the doctor, but I’ve been hacking up my lungs for almost a week now. But I think I am slowly getting better. Really.
So last night I met some friends and we did a gift exchange. Then I had dinner with the family and over-indulged on wine, etc. Started to watch Santa Claus The Movie, which I hadn’t seen since I was like 5 or something. But then I passed out in my room an hour later. But at some point in the night my coughing got worse. I woke up feeling shitty and couldn’t get back to sleep. So I watched part of the Pope presiding over midnight mass in the Vatican, the whole transubstantiation bullshit (hey it was the a.m. hours of Christmas, not much on tv) You’ll think I’m a dork, but I actually was hoping to see“The Nutcracker Suite.” I like the story! But I wound up watching the movie “Swimfan.” Ooohhh. Jesse Bradford. I think Chris Carrabba has come competition for Adam’s Celebrity Crush. It was a nice movie. Ok , the plot sucked, but hey, when you can’t sleep, it’s nice to see a movie full of young men in speedos. As the two gay film reviewers on “In Living Color” used to say, “It gets three snaps!” Snap, snap snap!

Jesse Bradford
Chris Carrabba
I did drift off for a few hours, only to woken at 8 to go downstairs for the present-opening ritual.
I’ll just cut to the chase and list Adam’s Christmas Booty from both family & friends:
A fat check from my parents (they didn’t know what else to get me), along with an electric razor, and a digital camcorder! I got a bunch of colorful cookbooks (I collect them, cooking is one of my little hobbies), a giftcard to Old Navy (thanks Bob), a bottle of wine, candy, a backgammon set, Acqua Di Gio (my favorite cologne), CDs by Gwen Stefani, Ciara, Kill Bill on DVD (thanks Kurt) and a stuffed animal and other stuff(thanks PJ).
On a side note I did have this weird dream this morning that Casey, my ex, was breaking into my house to kill me. He was coming up the stairs with a crowbar in his hand, dressed in all black wearing a ski-mask like burglars in the movies. Weird. So I started looking online for dream interpretations and such, and came across Slow Wave. It’s a website where this guy takes people’s real weird dreams, and makes them into a comic book.

Well that's about all I have to say for now... have a Merry ChrismaHanuKwanzukah!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Yule be Sorry...

Well happy Winter Solstice/Yule to all, today is the first official day of Winter in the Northern Hemisphere! It snowed quite a bit night before last, and I feel very much in the spirit. Actually, I just got a check of Christmas money from my family, so I definately am in a better mood.

Hmmm there's been so much going on in my life lately I don't know where to begin. Hmmm, well if you are bored, go visit my friend Kiki's livejournal. You know, I almost started an account with Livejournal but I'm not sure I liked it as much as Blogger.

Let's see...well I got really upset friday night while attending a Guerilla Queer Bar invasion. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, it's basically a bunch of gay people "invading" a predominantly straight bar. Normally lots of fun. I missed the last two sadly, but I made an effort to come to this one...until...

The ex. Yes, he came, and even though his sorry ass showed up for all of four seconds and then left, it was enough to ruin my evening completely. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM IHATEHIMMMMMMMM!!!!
I really wish he'd just stay the fuck out of my life completely! Or better yet go step in front of an oncoming metrobus.

Fortunately this weekend I also learned that the antics and misbehaviors of my Neaderthal ex should not bother me so much. After all, I had a good time with my real and true friends, I have my family, and I have a guy I'm becomming romantically involved with. So basically I can do without enemies or people trying to ruin my good time. Incidentally, among my gifts at the gift-exchange I did with my friends, I got Kill Bill (one of the movies I am obsessed with!), the new CD by Gwen Stefani (which totally kicks ass), and the new CD by Ciara.

Well, the week is far from over, I'll keep you posted on how the holidays go for me. And if you want to get me something, feel free... like, say, maybe Chris Carrabba with a big bow under my Yule tree?
Speaking of which, have you noticed his new emo/hipster haircut. I think I'm partial to his old look, but you be the judge...


Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Rhombused in Richmond

subtitle: I’m so excited, I’m so excited!

"Hello! Anyone home?"

I was just pondering how the days have gotten so short…the Winter Solstice is only a week away. Man, it seems like just yesterday it was the long hazy days of midsummer. Time seems to go so fast sometimes! I don’t know if that’s necessarily a good thing, either.
Well, what happened this weekend? My friend Kurt picked me up on Saturday morning (yes, early Saturday morning) and we decided to do some more early shopping. Damn, I’m starting to sound like a suburban soccer-mom, getting all excited over early morning holiday shop-a-thons! Hold on, gotta get the brownies out of the oven. Ok seriously, so we went all the way out to Manassas Mall. Why, I’m not sure. But a town that has the words “Man” and “Ass” in its name has got to be good…or so one would think. The mall sucked and I didn’t get a whole lot, but it was fun hanging out with Kurt. Afterwards I went home, and got ready to drive down to Richmond and meet PJ at his work.
I made it in decent time, despite getting lost at one point. We shared a cup of bubble tea, and went back to his place. We exchanged ChrismaHannuKwaanzikah gifts. It turns out he already owned the two things I bought him, so we exchanged them, got something to eat and went to his friend Laura’s place. It was nice meeting her, and despite the drama she was having that night with her boyfriend (another story altogether) we went to a bar/club in downtown Richmond.
Getting Rhombused with the Santas:
This is where it starts to get surreal. So the place was called Tiki Bob’s. For reasons I never did learn, it was men-dress-as-Santa-Claus night, I suppose. Now, keep in mind I haven’t been in a bar with that many straight people (or white people) in a long time. I mean common, DC is largely racially mixed and I go to the clubs in the gay-bourhood. But even worse, seeing 1,000 heterosexual Santas trying to dance to hip-hop while scantily clad bimbos danced on stage. I guess if I were straight I’d like that kinda stuff?
Which got me onto another surreal thought: as I stood there watching all of this, I wondered, “Would this be me and my friends if we were all straight and there was no such thing as being gay?”
Then, I tried thinking of certain gay people I know, and what they would look like, how they would dress, etc. if they’d been born straight. I tried imagining my gay male friends lusting after pussy! It was quite funny, let me tell you.
On the way home, being very stupid in Laura’s car, we came up with the phrase “rhombused.” As in the shape rhombus (remember from geometry class?). I can’t even remember how we got to that joke, but when we did, it seemed really funny at the time. Guess you had to be there. So, dictionary people, let me present to you a new entry for your 2005 dictionaries of the English language.
Rhombused – (verb) See also beat, dissed, insulted, outdone. Example: “You just got rhombused, girl!”
Ah, the weird inside jokes inspired by alcohol.
The next day while sleeping in, we watched on of PJ's favorite shows, "Saved By The Bell." My favorite was the episode "Jessie's Song" in which Jessie get's hooked on caffeine pills in order to study and do shitty music with the other girls. She winds up having a bad trip and singing the Pointer Sister's "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...scared!" Truly racy stuff for the times, I suppose.
Later, PJ took me to Carytown, a section of Richmond that is quite interesting and reminds me a bit of Dupont Circle. We had brunch at the Galaxy Diner and walked around and perused all the neat little shops. By late that afternoon I had to return home, so sadly I had to leave.

Blue Ring Octopus
You are DANGEROUS! The blue ring octopus has a
venom that paralyzes its victim. Even though
the victim can still think clearly, it cannot
move or speak. You live near Australia, and
even though you are very good looking, just
like a James Bond villain, you are quite

Which Cephlapod Are You?
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So let’s see, that brings us to Monday. Before going to work I was hanging out at Soho after having pad thai at Hunan Dynasty (P & 21st St.) and met this guy who I’ve met before (as usual I’m avoiding names to protect the innocent) and he offered me a PR job for a large non-profit group he directs (again, the importance of not naming names). Long story short, after work, he called me and invited me to his apartment over on 17th St.
Well, I should’ve seen it coming. He’s an older gentleman…ok, he’s 60. He made me a cup of jasmine tea and started discussing the job and all that stuff. Then he tells me I’m very attractive. Then he’s sitting next to me in the couch. Then his hands are on me. Next thing I know he’s pulling me on top of him and grabbing me.
Now, trying to be as professional, polite, and understanding as I could be, I told him I felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave. He apologized, but I was still really creeped out by the whole thing. I don’t know what I’m going to do. He still wants me to take this job, but I really don’t know. It sounds good, but I’d have a chickenhawk for a boss. WHY!
Last night, walking away from his apartment, it was SO cold and windy. Tonight was cold too. And more drama!
On the way to work the train cars I was riding on to work on the red-line of the Metro broke down. All passengers had to get off and wait in the freezing cold (it was an above-ground station) until the train could be moved and a new train came to pick us up. I was late for work, but no big deal. But damn, the Metro can be such a pain sometimes.
When I got off work tonight, there was the first snow of the season. I love snow, what more can I say? It didn’t snow much, but it’s so pretty. And that has been my week in review.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Thursday, December 09, 2004

(Insert Smartass Titile Here)

It's a rainy Thursday evening, and I'm sitting in the relatively empty Soho Tea & Coffee killing time before I have to teach my night class. Hmmm, not much new here to report since my last emo-tional gripe, er, post.

And now: I've been telling people this for years. And now I have the quiz results to prove it!

You Are The Suave Gay Man

What Type Of Gay Man Are You?
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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

A Long December...

I can’t believe I’m even titling this post “A Long December,” considering that I’m only 5 days into the Holiday month.
And I’m hating it already. It’s been a bad week.
God, I don’t even want to start, but let’s just say the stars haven’t exactly been kind to me. Do you ever have one of those weeks where everything that can go wrong does? Well it’s been a shitty week and I don’t know of things are getting better or not. But man I HATE DECEMBER! Die holidays die!
Like today, for example, I went and visited the most tackily decorated house in all of Northern Virginia, just for kicks. The place is covered in Christmas lights, glowing manger scenes, etc. So much so it’s been covered in the newspapers pretty much every year around this time. If you want directions, e-mail me. In the meantime, visit this website to see more terribly decorated homes. And I ask myself, what IS it about December that inspires such stupidity in people.
Ok, I have to confess. I have been forcibly trying to induce some Yuletide spirit into my life.
My friend Kurt has been kind enough to chauffeur me around this weekend and we did a little Christmas shopping. I’m glad I was able to get a start, but I still have some people left that I am really not sure what to get. I’m really trying to be a good gift-giver this year, since I’ve been pretty unoriginal in the past. And tonight while watching “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” I started the tedious job of filling out holiday cards to mail to people. Only got halfway done before I gave up for the night…too many cards, too much envelope glue on my tongue. But the whole thing kinda got me in the mood.
Deck the Halls
You are 'Deck the Halls'! Let's be honest, it
isn't Christmas you are celebrating, is it? In
fact, you know full well that there were no
shepherds in the fields in December, and that
the date of Christmas was put at midwinter
specifically to coincide with the older
celebrations of Yule and the birth of Mithras.
An unashamed Pagan, you take great glee in the
number of carols referring to holly, evergreens
and Winter's end, and will sing them with
gusto. You know where they really came from.
And you do enjoy the seasonal celebrations,
regardless of their name... A merry Yule to

What Christmas Carol are you?
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Bitching about the year:
Now that December is here, I can start to reflect on 2004 as a whole. I’m not trying to be a pessimist (I’ve had really good years), but this year as a whole has pretty much sucked ass. Let’s review:
I entered into 2004 at a sucky party in Columbia Heights (won’t mention any names, but it was someone’s apartment near 14th street), in a really shitty situation. I was still living with Hitler, er, I mean my ex (again, I’ll refrain from using names). The low-life scumbag asshole ugly lying motherfucker was cheating on me with some equally low-life busted-looking bucktoothed redneck. He had, I came to realize, used me. Plain and simply used me. He ruined that entire Christmas and New Years. I can honestly say that was one of the worst times in my life. Thank-you Casey. Woops, said I wouldn’t mention any names but I did. Asshole. I hope this Christmas is as bad for you as mine was for me last year. (And perhaps the reader is beginning to understand part of why I hate Christmas)
After dealing with him (and I’m STILL dealing with him as he owes me money and keeps telling me he loves me even though he has a new boyfriend and won’t leave me the hell alone and stop lying all the time) I did start dating other guys, NICE guys, and that was one bright point to this year.
Nothing quite worked out the way I wanted it to this year. I spent the better part of the summer unemployed yet searching for a job. I did have fun with my friends a lot this summer (going to the clubs, a trip to Rehoboth) but I also always had to watch my money and worry about getting a job. Fall came, wasn’t able to go to grad school as I’d planned even though I did get accepted into George Washington and American University. Long story short, I fucked up my financial aid shit because I didn’t know what I was doing, my parents weren’t being much help at all, and neither was my ex about paying what he owes me on time. I did get a job, so that’s good. I work, I party, but all in all it’s been a pretty blah year. One final highlight, however, was meeting PJ this fall and getting to meet him last month. I have to admit to being more than a little commitment-phobic, given my last experiences. I mean, I think it’s great having a guy in your life. Relationships, especially at the beginning “getting to know you” stage can be really fun. But sometimes I feel like what’s the point of putting all that energy into a relationship when you get shat on by the other person in the end? Well, one thing I have learned is not to be loving to the point of stupidity like I was with Casey. I.e., never “help” your lover out financially, not matter what! You will wind up sorry for it in the long run. Never go along with what your lover wants to do, because you will feel bad about all the time you wasted. My ex was a stay-at-home person; at least he never would go out with me. Not to clubs, not to bars, not to restaurants, nothing (except maybe Soho, and he’d usually either ignore me or go off with someone else like he did that one time with Anthony). He made me feel bad for wanting to be with my much-more-exciting friends. I hate to think about what I missed out on because of him. I also learned not to trust someone too much, because you set yourself up. All the times Casey lied to me, and I pretty much let him. I let him walk all over me like a doormat. He fucked around behind my back, and how pathetic is it that I actually tried to “make it work” rather than just leave his no-good ass and walk away with some dignity. He was one of the most self-absorbed, narcissistic, controlling, and manipulative individuals I have ever met, and for some reason I loved him. Well, at first I loved him. In retrospect, my love sort of faded and transformed into something else. Whatever it was, it wasn’t love.
Alright, now it seems I’ve gotten off on a tangent about the ex, but this really feels therapeutic to get all the anger off my chest. I would tell my ex to his face, but he never really listens. Narcissistic people tend not to. I could create a whole blog about my experiences in that disastrous relationship. But I had to get these things off my chest because they are part of what is making this December so shitty for me. A year has passed, and yet the ghosts of the past are still very much alive.
Yet, I have found someone that interests me, that I can tell is a NICE guy. I have all of my friends that stuck by me this year through all the drama. So maybe everything will be all right after all.
“It’s been a long December, and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. Can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold onto these moments as they pass…”
–“Long December” by the Counting Crows.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Existentialist Malaise: The Holiday Special

Presenting my blog's very own made-for-tv Lifetime original Holiday Special: Existentialist Malaise and Why The Holidays Tend to Suck Ass.

But before I go into that, I want to post some pictures of the incredibly cute boy that was captured my interest in Richmond.



Butterflies in my stomach, he's so cuute. Listen, I know what you all are thinking. Cynical Adam is turning soft on us. I assure you I am not. Well maybe just a little.
So, this being Thanksgiving and all, it is the beginning of the holiday season. As Dickens put it best, it is “the best of times” and the “worst of times.” I love certain aspects of the, shall we say, Winter Solstice/Yuletide holidays. I like the cold weather, being around good friends, food, alcohol, presents, decorations, and having a special person to snuggle with. Awww. On the other hand I hate the total hypocrisy of the “Christmas spirit,” the strange ways the human herd starts behaving, and that feeling of lonliness that can sometimes come with the darker longer nights. It’s a strange time of year. And like it or not it has begun.
And with a bang. I had Thanksgiving with the family, which was surprisingly very good. Not that it’s ever bad, for some reason this year it tasted really good. Normally I don’t get all worked up about “bland” food like turkey and mashed potatoes etc., but this year it was excellent.
I think the combination of turkey and way too many glasses of wine I sort of passed out. When I came out of my stupor I talked to a bunch of people on the phone until the wee hours of the morning when I remembered I’d promised to go shopping with my friends Kurt and Bob! By this time I’d gotten my second wind so-to-speak. So I only got 2-3 hours of sleep before
My alarm clock went off at 6:00 am. I seriously debated pussing out and going back to bed, but I got up and met Kurt at Starfucks er, I mean Starbucks. Ugh dawn! Bob showed up and we went to hit up the sales at Target. Maybe it was the lack of sleep we all had, but we were acting childish as hell. Scratch that, THEY were acting childish. We were joking that they were the two kids and I was always being the Daddy telling them to behave.
After that Bob drove us to Fair Oaks Mall but I don’t think any of us actually bought anything. Later Bob drove us into the city and we stopped by Kurt’s job (the State Department incidentally) so he could get his paycheck and we ate nearby at a Chinese restaurant Kurt’s fond of called the Magic Gourd on 23rd St in the Foggy Bottom neighborhood . Afterwards we went to Dupont, and walked around. It was a pretty cold day today! But in the sun it wasn’t so bad so we sat on the street patio of Cosi- (which I will always remember by it’s former name Xando) and people-watched until the sun dipped behind the highrises and it got too cold. From there we hit up The Leather Rack which as the name suggests in an adult/Leather store. We looked at porn and buttplugs, and I saw a leather harness that I actually kinda like. Should I be admitting that?
Oh god, and after eating leftovers from last night I feel stuffed like a turkey and tired as hell. But before I hit the hay, two subjects that came to mind today: First,
Fortune Cookies
Ok, I have this thing with fortune cookies. It all started months ago while eating at City Lights of China on Connecticut Ave. As usual the fortune cookie comes with the check at the end of the meal (along with supernaturally sweet oranges...I suspect there is an “ancient Chinese secret” involved in them). Anywho, I opened my fortune cookie to find… NOTHING! No fortune. So I shrugged it off as a mere coincidence.
Until a month later while eating at Thai-phoon (what a lovely pun, but not as good as Thai-tanic haha!) I got another fortune cookie. Without a damn fortune. Everyone else got one but not me. So I told the waitress, and she looked at me like I had Ebola or the Bubonic Plague (I guess not getting a fortune is a bad omen), so she quickly got me another one. And guess what? NOTHING.
Now, any mathmeticians out there, will you please calculate the statistical chances of that happening 3 times in a row!! Furthermore, what does this mean for me? That I have no future?!
Well today at the Magic Gourd my bad luck streak officially ended. My fortune cookie (which I was understandably apprehensive about opening) read: “You will be surrounded by good friends.” How true, how true.
Marianne -- The Romantic
You're Mariane Dashwood from Sense &
! You are the romantic
youngster, also found in Jane Austen's work as
Catherine of Northanger Abbey and
possibly Georgiana Darcy of Pride and
. You wander through life like Red
Riding Hood in the forest, picking wildflowers
and humming a happy song... and you can't see
the wolf right in front of you! Ruled by heart
and not by head, you are best advised to to
learn a little caution, before you are forced
into a better acquaintance with the ways of the

Which Jane Austen Character Are You?
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Oh, and the other thing, after a rather large Long Island Iced Tea after lunch at the Magic Gourd I left my pack of cigarettes which included my very precious “Liechtenstein Lighter” that you all complement me on when you see it. It’s basically an intricate silver lighter holder I bought during a bus ride back in 2002 I took from Munich to Lucerne in Switzerland. The bus stopped in Liechtenstein for a lunch break, so I figured what the hell…I explored the town of Vaduz, which is about the size of Dupont Circle. Anyway, in the tacky little gift shop I came across that lighter and loved it dearly. I’m still upset I lost it! I wonder if I’ll ever be able to replace it. Such is life.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

To Richmond and Back, and Everything In-Between

Ok, I tried creating this post earlier, but my Internet Explorer for some odd reason just quit on me! So I am trying to remember everything I wrote to start again. I hate it when this shit happens!
You're a Bloody Mary!  An acquired taste that combines vodka, tomato juice, tabasco, worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, salt and pepper and a stick of celery!  Those that love you are
""Which cocktail are you?""

brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm indeed. So what has been happening with me this week since I last posted? (god I am still frustrated about not saving all the shit I just wrote!) Well the work week went rather uneventfully. Now remember in my last entry when I said I would be going to Richmond to visit that guy I met on Friendster this weekend? (By the way, if you haven’t joined Friendster yet you should, it’s fun)
Well, I did visit him, but as usual for me there was plenty of drama along the way. Read on…
Well I started to leave in my brother’s car. I was driving down I-95 when the car started acting funny. I managed to pull off on an exit when the car completely died! So there I was in the middle of what felt like nowhere on some dark country road on a rainy night. Sort of like the beginning of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Anyway, there were no Transylvanian Transvestites to be found, as this nowhereland was called Ashland, Virginia. Incedentally, if you look on their webpage, their town motto is “center of the universe.” Let me assure you that based on what I saw of Ashland, it is far from the center of ANYTHING.
Well I wound up having to call AAA and have them try to fix or tow the car. Fortunately, they allowed me to be towed anywhere within 100 miles! Sweet. So I was able to have it towed all the way back to near where my family lives, at a repair shop down the street. I’m sure my bro and folks weren’t exactly thrilled about the cost of repairs. It turned out to be an alternator problem, plus while driving it on a bad alternator, we’d managed to drain the battery and ruin the fan belts. Not cheap. But it wasn’t exactly my fault. I do seem to have a not-so-magic touch with cars though. Don’t ever lend me yours. Something will probably go wrong, I promise. Anyway, I left the car at the repair shop. My friend Kurt who lives around my parents came and picked me up, as I still hadn’t eaten dinner yet. He told me he’d just broken up with his boy Travis. So we went to the Silver Diner and stuffed our faces, chain-smoked, and commiserated on our lives.

The next day the repairs were finished, so I made my attempt at this voyage again. Adam Does Richmond, Volume II. But before I begin that let me take a breather and leave you with this eye-candy intermission.

Chris Carrabba Dashboard Confessional
Chris Carrabba, lead singer of the emo-rock band Dashboard Confessional. Ok, so typically I hate emo, and especially emo indie-rock boys. Not because they are necessarily ugly (some look quite nice when they take a shower, shave, and put on real clothes that didn’t come from a thrift store) but rather because well, emo is mopey and it sucks. Chris, however, is a sweet exception. Tall, dark, handsome, and lots of tattoos. Don’t worry sad little emo boy, you can cry on my shoulder anyday!

Ok so about Richmond. (by the way, has anyone else noticed how Richmond seems to be filled with emo and punk boys?) I made it ok and in one piece and finally got to meet PJ face-to-face. He was as cute and handsome as I expected he would be, if not more, and was very sweet to me. We went to a party at his friend Laura’s house, and we had a fun time hanging out with eachother. I wish I’d had longer, but we had fun while it lasted. The next afternoon I had to drive back, it sucks working but oh well. I was tired as shit, from little sleep and driving, but I made to work, taught my night class. Oh, and then my friend Tom calls to tell me he and his girlfriend, also a friend of mine, Colleen had broken up. (an earlier this week my good friend Raven and her boyfriend Kevin/”Ollie” broke up!) At this point it was really strange. Kurt and Travis, Raven and Ollie, and now Tom and Colleen. For those of you who don’t know them, they were like the indestructible super-couple of DC. I mean, they have been together for so long we thought they’d be getting married or some shit. Of course, it figures when I, Adam, find a boy, everyone else’s love life goes to shit. Well, there was drama at Soho because of all this. But some good points of news; Raven and Ollie are back together. I am possibly going to Richmond again this weekend to see PJ again. And other than that I think that’s about it!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Larry the Turkey

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Serial Killers, Strippers, & Shopping Malls

Ah, hello. It has been awhile, hasn't it? I would have written yesterday but truth be told I just got too damn lazy. So what has been going on in my life?
Well for some reason I've been reading a lot about serial killers. My morbid reading tastes lately, I tell you! First it was zombies, then it was vampires, and now serial killers. Well that link I just gave is a to website with lots of information on serial killers. Fun times. But who would Adam be like, were he a serial killer, you may ask. Well...
You are Mary Bell.
You are Mary Bell. At the ripe old age of 10 you
strangled a neighbor boy, afterwhich you carved
your initals into his skin. At his funreal you
laughed. Your next victim was a 3 year old. You
pushed him off the roof, resulting in a broken
skull. After he was found you went to his
mothers house and asked to see him, she replied
tha t he was dead. You smiled brightly and said
'Oh, I know he's dead. I wanted to see him in
his coffin."
You horrid little girl you.
-smacks your hand-

Which Imfamous criminal are you?
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Well! Let's temper that with a slightly less disturbing quiz. Maybe I should quit these things...people are going to start to wonder about me.


What herb are you?
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Aww, now wasn't that quaint. Ok so about my week. Me me me! So my recollection only goes back to last Wednesday (Nove 10) so that's where I'll begin. After work I randomly ran into my friends Joe, Zach, and Colleen. Chris came and joined us and we all piled into a cab going to Wet in Southeast. Well the dumbass cabbie dropped us of like six blocks away or something at Ziegfields/Secrets. So we walked through the lovely neighborhood that is southeast Washington through the darkened streets of night until we got to Wet (a gay strip club next to The Edge) and then there was ID issues.
Zach, it seems, had left his ID at work. So between the other three guys in our group we decided that my ID was the most passable for him. (Nevermind the fact that he's like 5"5' and I'm 6", or the fact that we look oh I don't know NOTHING alike). So he barrowed my newsboy cap and he and Colleen and Chris went in, while me and Joe (thank-you) waited out in the butt-ass-cold in the ghetto. The plan was that they would go in, and then Colleen would come out to meet me and give me my ID back so I could go in. Yeah, I know what you readers are thinking. Well, it sorta worked. The lady checking IDs would have been more likely to believe Zach was Tom Cruise, but they let him in anyway, albeit with big Xs on his hand. I got in no prob, but Zach kept trying to steal my hat all night. Too bad it looks betta on me! haha! A highlight of the night (for me anyway) was when the hot daddy-ish guy in a cop uniform told me "spread 'em son" and "frisked" me against the bar with his police baton. I've been a bad boy...very very bad.
Hmmm....thursday work and hung out after work at Soho, went home, talked to this guy I met on Friendster. Speaking of which I am going down to RIchmond to meet him for the first time. Actually I'm a bit nervous. I meen I've never done the whole meeting people online thing, I've always met people face-to-face. So we shall see what happens. He seems like a really sweet guy, and he's attractive/cute. Friday, sad as this sounds, I can't really remember WHAT I did. I really can't. Saturday I went shopping in Georgetown, namely to find a gift for someone. My friends Colleen and Zach, who I mentioned earlier, both work at the Sephora on M st. so I paid them a visit and got hooked up. I love that store! I also wound up hangin gout with my ex (I know, I know) which is usually a bad idea and winds up being a disaster, but he was abnormally nice and civil. I've noticed he has more control over his behaviour in public these days. Maybe he is finally starting to change and grow up. Well he's a day late and a dollar short. And I still only trust him as far as I can throw him (and I can't even pick him up!).
The next day too I went shopping and had dinner with my friends Kurt, Bob, and Kurt's boyfriend Travis. I got some cute jeans at Hollister but I'm going to have to take them back tomorrow because they don't fit right, and some nice shirts at H&M. Christmas may not be here yet, but I am already shopping... for ME. I need to control myself. And today, Monday (ok it's after midnight so it's technically Tuesday now) I went to the post office to mail a package, got some food, went to work. Seriously, how exciting. I live for my weekends. Of course I could go out everynight of the week like some uber-fags around here tend to, but then I never did like being flat broke and going to work with nasty hangovers. My weekends begin on Thursday, typically.
Alright, I'll stop babbling and with love until next time... In the meantime feel free to Email me!

Friday, November 05, 2004

Hey ho daddy-o! /Dealing with Urban Queer Egos

I'm feeling a little more resigned to fate today, a little less angry than I was before. So today let's talk about sex. That's always good for getting one's mind off of politics.
So last night while riding home from work on the Metro (DC's answer to a subway system) which was seriosuly delayed because of a terrible accident on Wednesday at the Woodley Park Station...wait. That was a run-on sentence. I should know better. Ok new sentence: So anyway, I was riding the Metro home and this really HOT guy in a Naval officer's uniform got on and sat across from me. He smiled at me in THAT way that makes ones "gaydar" go off the chart. So we played the eye-contact game for a good five minutes until he finally got off at his stop, and grinned at me going up the I went off into the dark tunnel with train. What was I thinking!? Why didn't I just get the balls to talk to the man. Of course, he could have started a conversation too. But still. My point, however, is this: The man had gunmetal gray hair. He was obviously old enough to really be my "daddy." And yet I was really turned on by him and it wasn't the uniform either. I've always had this thing for masculine, fit, older well, "daddy" types. Salt-n-pepper hair and gunmetal gray hair I find really hot for some reason. Am I the only one? And NO, unlike a lot of gold-digging twinks around here, I am not interested in being supported or playing "son." Far from it.
Let's take super-hottie news reporter Anderson Cooper (who is gay by the way...)
Yum... such piercing eyes too. And lets take another look at him just for fun. Oooh daddy!
Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me? Post your comments below.

Urban Snobbery: My Thoughts
And now for my other rant of the day. Last night while hanging out with some friends after work at Soho tea and coffee one of my friends (who as always shall remain nameless) introduced me to their new boyfriend. Well, ths guy was really cute, I have to give it to him. But his attitude stank. First, when he asked me and my other friend where we lived/what we did etc., my other friend responded that he lives in Arlington. At this, the boyfriend's lip curled, and he started talking about how he hates the suburbs, how he thinks Alrington is out "in the boonies."
Which it isn't! Hello dumbass, it's right across the river. But I bit my tongue because this guy was my friend's new boyfriend, even if he did insult my other friend. But that really got me thinking about the way so many ubran queers carry themselves.
A) First off, you KNOW half of you mutherfuckers grew up in some small ass town either in the Midwest or the South. You move to a big city so you don't get picked on as much, for example New York, DC, Philly, LA, etc. And then you have the nerve to turn around and insult fellow gays who don't choose to live in Glammatown like you do. This may come as a shock to you, but I've met plenty of great gay men and couples who live in suburbia...and are happy!
B) Now, Ive never big a big fan of suburbia or the rural areas myself...but after having lived in DC and having been surrounded by some of the rediculous pretentions of fellow gay men....I'm starting to reconsider. Why can't there be more down-to-earth non-materialistic gay men in the cities? Oh...that's right. They live in the "evil" suburbs.
I hate you so've got to learn to be
patient with people in life cause not
everybody's perfect. You may want to hate them,
but really...if you just give people a could learn not to hate so many

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Living in the Twilight Zone /... defeat

"You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone..."
-Rod Serling

Well that's pretty much how I feel today. Except I felt a little worse yesterday. I had been at Cobalt DC (which is their very fun Tuesday night retro party, by the way) with a friend watching the Elections go down...and down...and down. I didn't even feel like getting out of bed yesterday. And today I feel pretty dark about all this still, and its a shitty cold rainy day and I need a valium & a prozac and a glass of wine to wash it down with.

Ok, maybe I'm getting a bit whiney. So moving on (and hoping this is all a sick dream that I will wake up from and find Kerry as the real victor)
Speaking of the Twilight Zone earlier, if you liked the old episodes of that show, perhaps you like Rod Serling's other less-known television series, Night Gallery. Night Gallery is one of my personal favorites, and it features a couple storylines inspired by one of my favorite horror authors, Howard Philips Lovecraft.

Hmmm, what else is going on? Well maybe for 2008 we should elect this woman for President:

Ok, well I think I am psychologically worn out from all this stress of the last few days. seriously, I think I want to fall into a nice 3-day coma after today.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004


Hmmm, quite.
You are a Bolshevik!
You are a Bolshevik! Hooray!!! You've just
overthrown the Tsar!!!! Now all you have to
look forward to is the fulfillment of the
wondrous dream of Pure Communism! Of course,
you will not live to see it because Stalin will
have you shot as a traitor.

What kind of Russian are you?
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Vote vote vote vote vote vote vote vote!
Did I mention you should vote today? If you live in the United States and are eligible to vote, DO IT! This may be one of the most important elections in our lifetimes. What happens today will effect not only the situation here, but across the world. Bush has to be defeated! If he's not...well I will be looking into migrating to France. As of this moment, I am hopeful that Kerry will win. I think enough people out there are pissed-off enough to want to vote when they may normally be apathetic. I hope this is the case. But nothing will change unless you get out there and do it. Otherise some NASCAR watching beer drinkin-hick will vote for you and we can't have that!

Ok, I'll get off my soapbox for now. Wait, one last thing. Don't muck things up by voting for Nader. And all you "Log Cabin" gay Republicans don't screw this up either. Newsflash: the Republican Party doesn't like you. If you were at a aprty and realized nobody there liked you, would you stay? And don't give me any of that "fiscal conservatism" or "compassionate conservatism" crap either. Bush is not compassionate. ARGH!
Ok, class dismissed for today. Stop reading this and get thee to thy polls.

Monday, November 01, 2004

How I Spent My Samhain Weekend...

Well, it's November 1st already (hard to believe given it's such a beautiful day). I'm kind of dissapointed actually. Somehow this was a fun weekend, but sort of anti-climactic in some ways, and definately funn of surprises. So where to begin...
Well, Saturday me and my friend Raven met at Soho and then went over to my friend Kiki's apartment (you can see her- and some other friends, via my myspace profile. )

Then we went to Chiaroscuro at The Edge. Th Edge is at 56 L St. SE, and in specific, Chiaroscuro is their Saturday night goth/industrial party. So of course I figured that Chiaro fell on the night before Halloween it had to be good. Right? Well not exactly. The place was pretty dead. Toward the end of the night things sort of picked up, but not quite the necromantic orgy I was hoping for...
Another incident that night was when Raven, fearing she may have another blood clot in her leg, had to be taken to the emergency room. So we drove her to GW Hopsital and fortunately her mom met us there so she could be with her. We were all really worried, but since there was nothing more we could do, we went back to the Edge. Fortunately for Raven, it turned out NOT to be a blood clot, and I'm so thankful she's doing well now. Girl, don't scare us like that again. Who else am I going to make fun of Dena with?
I hung out at Edge for a few more hours, met some pretty cool people. Then I split, visited a friend back in Dupont, strutted my ass around in my Catholic Schoolboy costume and went back to Kiki's apartment, then went back home. Well... the next day...


Was Halloween itself. And yet somehow it just didn't FEEL like Halloween as much. Maybe with all the partying going on the night before or something I juts felt weird. And I didnt see as many trick-or-treaters this year either. So I tried getting myself in the mood by carving a pumpkin and roasting the seeds in the oven. I know, how Martha Stewart-esque. Except I havent been to prison...yet. (By the way, for my seed recipe, mix garlic salt, onion powder, Worchestershire sauce and kosher salt with the seeds. Bake for like 15-20 mins at 350 degrees.) And I didnt get any pumpkins stolen or smashed like I did last year by some little ghetto hoodlums when I lived in Logan Circle. I watched the original Halloween movie which is probably the only slasher movie I really like. Lit some black candles, and got dressed in my oh-so-politcally-incorrect costume and met Raven again , went to Kramer's and met up with my friend Chris and we went up to Cobalt DC to their Halloween party. I entered the costume contest, didnt win with all the competetion, but hey, you wouldn't BELIEVE all the attention from guys I got because of my costume. Somehow, it seems, I had tapped into a pretty commen fetish... actually a lot of the guys that came on to me were telling me they themselves had once attended a Catholic private school. Anyway, I stayed a lot later than I actually felt like staying, but I had lots of fun. Unfortunately my new black dress shoes I decided to wear with the costume were not broken in yet (and I always have trouble if my shoes sren't broken in yet) so my feet were absolutely KILLING me. I didnt realize how bad my feet were until I got home and took my shoes off. By this point I literally could barely walk. My feet were bleeding, and I have several nasty blisters. I know, attractive. All of my readers with foot-fetishes just left the room to puke. So today before I got to work I am trying to stay off my very sore feel as much as possible. But it's worth walking like a cripple today to have looked good this weekend.

Well boys and girls, that was about it. Feel free to post any of your experiences in the comments section! And now for your daily quiz (I didn't forgetttttt....)
So, I apparently am in Goth Denial. be the judge.

You're a Denial Goth! You are so not Goth. In
fact you're Post-Punk/Darkwave/Whatever
lesser-known synonym for goth is popular this
week. Give it up, it's obvious you're a Goth.

What kind of Goth would you be?
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, October 29, 2004

Shocking Exculisve: Cannibal Koi / "Is he the gay?"

Last week I reported that my fish had given birth to a school of fry (baby fish). Unfortunately I was not prepared for the grim and not-so-pretty side of nature. I watched in horror as (for some reason) one of my koi systematically ate fry after fry. When this started happeneing, I decided to fish them out and remove them to a separate fish bowl, since it was obviously unsafe in the aquarium with these deranged parents mistaking them for fishflakes.
On my way out of my room, however, to find something to scoop them out with, I got distracted by a telephone call and then some hot guy on a TV show... an hour later when I remembered about my young fish friends it was too late. I still love my original adult koi. I just wish they hadn't eaten their own offspring. Oh well, what would I have done with 20 koi anyway? Abandon them in the Dupont Circle fountain?
You're Nova Scotia. People have spread rumours
about you and you have suffered from
stereotyping. Few people take the time out to
get to know the real you. You hate labels. You
are patriotic and loyal.

What Canadian Province Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Well its been another work week finally over for Adam! Man, I love being lazy sometimes. By the way, you will notice I've lifted a famous line from one of Margaret Cho's stand-up comedy routines. I was in a Korean grocery store earlier today and this woman was talking to me. some of the things she said (or rather, the way she said them) reminded me so much of how Cho depicts her own Korean mother. "Is he THE GAAAY???"
Speaking of less-than-perfect english, check out It full of Asian poorly translated hilarity. See below...
Actually in the case of this shirt (which I want to own SOOO bad) I think it's rather the case of people using English because it just seems Western and therefore "cool," regardless of what the words actually mean. Having lived in South Korea (Seoul) for a brief period of time, I remember seeign LOTS of shirts like the one above. It was all I could do to cover my snickers riding on the subway, reading some of the absolutely rediculous shit people would wear. Note to those people: get a pocket translatore before you buy ANYTHING with Engrish, er, English on it.

You are Dena! Holy shit!

Are you like Dena?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, I will write more later. I'm going to meet some friends out for coffee... until next time parting is such sweet sorrow.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

I'm Outsourcing My Friends to India...

Yes, it's true. I'm going to outsource my friends and enemies to India. Maybe even potential boyfriends too. I mean really! I can get my drama in India at half what I pay here in the American market! It makes good business sense! Ok. So what is new?
Well, I've been watching more TV than usual...maybe its the colder nights with not much to do lately. (Oh, and having drama with certain friends too). I really have to say, as much as I hate television...I kinda like the shows "Six Feet Under" and "Oz." Somehow my blog posts always come to sexual fantasies...and quizes. So don't say you didn't see this one coming. Check it out while I go see what cute Mr. UPS man has for me at the door...
Yeah, you and everyone else. He's probably really good in bed, too. The catch is, he'll probably kill you after. Or during.
Chris Keller

Who's your OZ bitch?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmmmm. So what else? Well, this weekend I went to the Shenandoah Valley. Took a beautiful drive along Skyline Drive. All the leaves have changed to yellows and oranges and reds, so now is the best time to go. Visited some "quant" little country stores. Went to an apple orchard and picked my own apples. Fed some goats. Yes, it was a very rural day for yours truly, but just what I needed. Oh, and hit up a winery too. Can't remember the name, but there are dozens of little vineyards up in that area. I used to be kind of turned-off to Virginia wines because the ones I had up to this point all tasted like vinegar and piss. But I have to say I was pretty impressed with what I had this weekend.
Let's see... oh this is a belated entry, but my best friend Mira gave birth to Maxwell Dean Boyd in August, so now he is almost two months old!!! I feel like an uncle! Mira, if your reading this (what? people actually read this junk???) send me some pictures! I wish I could fly out to Texas and come visit, but alas, work, money and all the other eveils of the Industrial world we live in keep me in DC for now.
My pet fish (Koi) had babies recently....20 of them. What the hell and I going to do with 20 koi?? Do you realize how big they get! So consider this a post to advertise free baby koi to anyone who is interested! Again, I have 20 of them.
Only 5 more days until Halloween!!!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Existentialist Malaise

What's new with me? Not much. Its a gray rainy overcast October of the reasons October is one of my favorite months of the year. Halloween is simply so much more fun than Christmas or Easter.
I think I am experiencing "existentialist malaise," in the sense that the routine of the everyday has been getting me down a bit. Not that really work that hard or anything, I'm only teaching English classes. But still, everyday just sort of seems the same. And even the weekend somehow seem the same. Maybe I'm just bitching too much, but I really have the wonderlust biting at me to go somewhere new and exciting. So to that end I am trying (maybe) to plan a roadtrip...
But first,
You are Tim the Enchanter! Sure you can blow up small objects, but no-one really respects you. But you'll have the last laugh...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You are Tim the Enchanter! Sure you can blow up
small objects, but no-one really respects you.
But you'll have the last

Which Monty Python & the Holy Grail Character are you REALLY?
brought to you by Quizilla

You didn't REALLY think I'd create a post without a Quizilla quiz, did you? So now (as that old guy on the radio says) for the rest of the story.
The Washington Post has an ineresting travel and cooking section. (The cooking section, I believe, is in the Wednesday addition) Anyway, they had an article about the wineries of Western Virginia and the Shenandoah Valley. The Valley is absolutely beautiful this time of year, and wineries are always fun (ah, memories of Bordeaux, France...getting sloshed hopping from vinyard to vinyard, becomming Bacchus incarnate). So maybe that would be a fun escape. And I also would like to see a pumpkin patch at some point this Fall too.

Pumpkin Patch

I'm sure there will be more time to talk about the delicious time of year that is Halloween in the next week or two to come. I've already pieced together things for my costume (see posts below) and now it's time to crank up the Type-O-Negative (or other darkly inspiring music of your choice) and enjoy the darker colder nights. Who knows, maybe this year I will get tricks AND treats (pun intended).

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Punks, Queers, and Skaterboys, oh my!

You are Bettie Page!
You're Bettie Page!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

What is it with me and the whole good boy-next-door vs. total kinky gayboi perv dichotomy that I suffer from? It feels like I'm Clark Kent somedays... where's a phonebooth to change in when I need one?
Well, we're in October, one of my favorite months of the year (I think I dicussed my love of Autumn earlier). And honestly I think this time of year is the best time of year to be in Washington. The whole city just somehow seems more clear and alive during the Fall, I can't explain it. Also one has to consider the fact that we are in a strange area, climate-wise. The summers are too hot and humid, the winters are ass-freezing cold. And there really is no spring seems to jump from winter straight to summer. So Autumn here is perfect.

Sunday I went to Great Falls National Park
for the first time... if you haven't been I can't urge you enough to go. I'll even drive your ass there if you don't have a car! Anyway it's one of DC/Northern Virginia's best kept secrets, and it's about 15 miles west of Georgetown (follow GW pkwy to Georgetown Pike/rt.193). It's really beautiful. And I'm thinking it would be a sweet place to bring a date. And if they piss you off you can push them over the waterfall. "Woops, Mr. Ranger...I told him not to stand that close to the edge!"
The Falls

Let's see, what else is new. Ok, does anyone else have a thing for punk rock boys? I mean really, I'll take a scruffy punk rock boy over some "clean cut" Abercrombie boy any day of the week. Hmmmm. For instance, I met this really cute punk boy last night with a mohawk and a cute face and blue eyes to kill for. Unfortunately he says he is straight (for now anyway...) but he was shaking his ass to me and taunting me and my other friend who was drooling over him, saying things such as "this ass is virgin, it's tight, you know you want it!" Why tempt me with such thoughts! But it got me involved in an interesting discussion with some other gay men about our tastes. When it comes to deliciously dirty punks and rockabillies, it seems you either love em or you hate em. Which means less compatition for me, because even the geekiest guy looks hot on a skateboard.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Tuesday's Gone With The Wind...and pet names/proof of literacy

Ok, so its Tuesday afternoon, and I shouldnt be complaining but being in a certain routine where you go to work at the same time every day, get up at the same time every day, etc really gets kind of depressing after awhile. I mean, I'm not bitching too much because it all means getting paid...yet I can't help but to long for those blissful (yet broke) days of unemployment. I no longer have to look cute to get daddies to buy me a drink...I can buy my own! What a concept.

rosy perfection
You are Rosy Perfection Salad!! Though your name
may be innocent and cheerful, your jello-sweet
exterior hides a foul, sinister core.

What Weight Watchers recipe card from 1974 are you?
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I thought this quiz was funny as hell. Interestingly, though, I decided to change my answers a bit (read: be more honest with myself) and my results were a bit different the second time around:

You are Frankfurter Spectacular!! Wrapping hot
dogs around a pineapple doesn't make it
Spectacular any more than sticking feathers up
your butt will make you a chicken. Quit trying
to be something you're not and just RELAX

What Weight Watchers recipe card from 1974 are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

God, after seeing these so-called "recipes" I think I'm first going to vomit, then be glad that I wasn't on Weight Watchers back in 1974!! Not that I was even alive in 1974, but anyway...
Today I want to talk about terrible pet-names you may have with your lovers/boyfriends/girlfriends/blowup dolls whatever. For example, in my last relationship I was christened Adam "the chicken." Needless to say, there was kind of an age difference between us, so when his older queen friends saw me, I must have looked like a chicken to them. After awhile, rather than being an insult, it became sort of an inside joke, and I didn't really mind it so much. Until after we broke up and when he's coming down the street he still addressed me (at the top of his lungs, mind you) "CHIIIICKEN! There's my chicken!"
Ugh. Anyway, can anyone else relate? And no, I'm not giving anyone who email me the recipe for "Rosy Perfection Salad!"

And now, a list of the books that I've read since January 1st of 2004. I average about 30 books in a good year... this year I've been a but behind on my reading due to school/work/stress. I one read a frightening statistic that the average American only reads two books a year (thank-you, Oprah, you cunt). At least it's two and not zero (George W. Bush). Picture books do not count. Anyway maybe it seems like I read a lot, but I am extremely anti-television. There is very little between "Sex in the City" and the so-called "Real World" that I actually give a shit about in our comericialized pop culture. It bores me, frankly, and I find more comfort in a well-written book than in the nightly cathode-ray shitfest called prime time. That having been said, not all of the books below are winners, but I believe in finishing a novel unless it's REALLY bad. I'm putting an "*" next to the ones I reccomend. So, here goes...

*"Ulysses" by James Joyce ( bit confusing, but bear with it...all 800 pages)

*"Motion of Light in Water" by Samuel R. Delany (an autobiography of a very fascinating sci-fi writer. One of the first Black and gay sci-fi writeres...and one of the best if you ask me)

"Ashes of Stars" by Samuel R. Delany and
"Aye, and Gomorrah...and Other Stories" and
*"Dhalgren" by Samuel R. Delany (Yes, I was on a bit of a Delany kick, but he's an amazing writer. If you enjoy GOOD speculative fiction, read his apacalypic meta-fictional "Dhalgren." One of my favorite all time novels. This was a re-read for me.)

*"A Very Easy Death" by Simone DeBeauvoir (light existentialist reading...not)

*"Giovanni's Room" by James Bladwin

"On Wiriting" by Stephen King

*"Memoirs of a Survivor" by Dorris Lessing (a very odd apocalyptic novel. Am I noticing a pattern here...apocolyptic?)

"Toward the End of Time" by John Updike

*"Again, Dangerous Visions" by Harlan Elison (ed) (one of the best speculative fiction anthologies...take my advice and read ALL of the "Dangerous Visions"'ll never read shitty sci-fi again!)

"Altar if the Dead" by Henry James (James is supposed to be of America's best writers...I didn't see it myself)

*"The Magus" by John Fowles (If you like the occult...and you like Greece or travelougues, read this stunning novel. Reccomended to me by Madame Dena of Dupont, and she was right, this one was amazing)

*"Das Kapital" by Karl Marx (Depending on your political leanings you will either embrace it or hate it. But read it.)

"The Bridge of San Luis Rey" by Thornton Wilder. (Not personally impressed, but he writes well)

"Second Child" by John Saul (given to me by a friend. Not my favorite, lets just put it that way)

Monday, October 04, 2004

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round-n-round

Jem. You are a dichotomy of good girl meets
rockstar superhero; as a result, sometimes you
do come off as a ditzy sorostitute.

Which Jem and the Holograms member are you?
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Saturday, October 02, 2004

"I still love you, only slightly less than I used to"

Ooooh. You're SO BAD. and you son't want to take
shit from anyone. Unfortunately for you,
you're going to have to, because your image
isn't so much tough as it is hilarious.

What band from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's been an interesting week. Actually the first few days of the workweek felt so surreal somehow. Like I was living in a movie watching myself, and not actually real. Ever have days like that? Must have been all the rain, being late for work, drama, etc that just me feel really strange. But by midweek I snapped out of it.

The title of today's post was lifted from the song "Stop Me if You Think That You've Heard This One Before" by the Smiths off their album "Strangeways, Here We Come!" Actually that's probably my favorite Smith's album, and song for that matter. Mainly because it describes those weird feelings you have. For example, an old flame of mine is always talking about how much he loves me and maybe one day we can get back together. I mean, I still love him. In the way that I love all my friends, a sort of platonic love. But not like I used to. Indeed, I feel like I love him, only slightly less than I used to. But does one tell someone that without being a total ass. I swear, theres more drama after a relationship than there is during it. Why?

And finally for today, some thoughts on chest hair. Good or bad? You feel free to leave your comments! This, I feel, has divided the gay community more than the imfamous debates of Cher-Vs-Madonna (as in, whos the bigger gay icon). As for me, I take it on a case by case basis. Some gay men swear that chest hair is a wonderful sign of masculinity and demand their boyfriends grow a nice little patch of it. Others run at the sight, demanding their lovers to be either naturally baby smooth, or at least use Nair or visit the waxing salon. Personally, I tend to like my guys smooth. Or if he does have chest hair he should keep it under control and from looking like the Black Forest. But for some hot, say, Italian or Greek man maybe I could make an exception for a little Austin Powers-esque hirsuteness.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Again, not really surprised

Bill Paxton as Severen, from "Near Dark."
You like the dangerous guys.

Which Unstable Man are you Most Attracted to?
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Without naming names, I am sure ALL of my friends can think of a certain person from my recent past this describes. And yes, for some odd reason I always do seem to be attracted to the bad boys. There's just something really sexy about them sometimes...until they start treating you like shit. It's a real catch-22.
Maybe I should just find a nice, intelligent, sweet guy who wants to hold hands and go shopping together. awww.....

Monday, September 27, 2004


Bert & Ernie
Bert & Ernie's Gay Love Affair

Look, everyone knows you two are lovebirds. Why
not do the brave thing and admit it to the
world? The times are kinder nowadays. There
may be the odd ultraconservative bigwig or
overprotective mom, but so what? Piss on 'em.
Come on out of the closet. It's ok.

Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
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So, what's new in my life. This seemed like particularly long weekend to me. Friday night I hung out with some friends. I went home at a descent hour since I agreed to substitute teach a class at the place I work on Saturday morning. I know WHAT! Who are you and where's the real Adam?
Well, being the "nice guy" it's always so hard for me to say no. So when someone gets all puppy-dog-eyed and asks me to take over their class on a Saturday morning...I just can't say no. And hopefully the karmic laws will be enforced and when I need someone to cover my ass they will. But I digress.
So, I went home with the intention of going to bed. But for some odd reason no sleep came. My body was tired, but it was like my mind just wouldn't shut off. So I laid there for six hours just staring at the ceiling and tossing and turning. And then my alarm clock went off. I thought "No...NOOOOOO!" But I already promised I would go to work. So I did. And between almost falling asleep on the metro and teaching a 4-hour long class with the help of coffee and guarana-laden beverages, I somehow made it.
Then a friend called and wanted to meet me for coffee. Sure! More caffeine to keep me moving. So we met and then I was so tired I thought I was going to pass out... so I went home again with the intent of taking a nap or sleeping.
Well I get home and find a whole list of things to do. Including setting up my aquarium (more on that later). So I got no nap that I intended to take. Then my friend called me and we and another friend went to Dupont. Had a good time, but by the time later that (Sunday) morning when I got home I realized I had been awake for 48 hours and it was catching up with me.
So I drifted into a blissful sleep unlike any other I've had in a long time.
Oh, and I'm happy to say I've set up my aquarium. It looks really cool and pics forthcoming.
"Her boyfriend, he dont know anything about her. He's too stoned, nintendo, I wish that I could make her see, shes just the flavor of the week."
-"Flavor of the Weak" American Hi-Fi
Have you ever had a friend who's dating a total loser and you know you could treat him so much better than the scumbag he's with. Yeah I kinda feel that way right now about someone. And I'm not mentioning names because some people actually read this blog (I know!) Actually that guy was me for the longest time. I was (and those of you who know me know all about this) in a relationship with a guy all my friends despised. Ok, that was going nowhere.
"More more, after kneeling on the church floor
so sore, after kicking down the choir door
tore tore up the holy fuckign sacrament
whore whore, gravy trains the living testament!" -Gravy Train "Titties Bounce"

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Kinky Fantasies and...France!


What Country Are You?
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Ok, now on to more pressing matters. I am, as you read this, preparing for my Halloween costume for this year. For me Halloween is always a big deal! I get all worked up about what I'm going to wear. So this year my costume is going to be... (drumroll please)
A Catholic Schoolboy

Yes! And if any hot guy out there wants to accompany me as my "Holy Father" looking to "give me Communion" feel free to come dressed as a priest.
Ok, I better explain. Anyone offended by fetishistic discussion should leave right now.
I've always had this weird things about being a naughty Catholic schoolboy. Hey, some people have leather and whips, some people like watersports. I want to be taken over some guys knee and be spanked for being a bad little boy. IS that so wrong? =)
Now why, you may ask? I can't say. It's funny because I have always been more of a top guy myself. Or to use a gay baseball analogy, I've always preferred to play pitcher instead of catcher. Now, I can be a relief catcher when the need arises, but it's not my thing. And maybe that's why, deep down, I have some dark little fantasies about being a submissive innocent schoolboy. Because it's the opposite of what I am, and yet reflects a part of my inner self. Too much to swallow? (pun intended).
As far as the specifics of this whole thing, who can say? I'm not Catholic by any means. I was raised in a pretty Athiest family environment. Religion in general doesn't sit well with me- I'm too much of a Marxist. So I have no real, er, repressed memory from childhood driving me towards a (as George Michael would say) father figure. Maybe it comes from watching too many movies. Of course, I have the usual gay male prison fantasy too, but that doesn't mean I want to get arrested!
This post DID at some point have a plot. But I forgot what it was. I was rambling about my Halloween costume. Ah, I'm going to bed.
By the way, the Autumnal Equinox is going to occur this Wednesday the 22nd. Have an Exceptional Equinox!

Monday, September 20, 2004

Somehow I'm not surprised...

You are the Demon Chernabog from the Movie
Fantasia. You are the true evil, composed of
the essence of evil itself. Nothing can match
you rage, anger, and power. With you legions
of monsters nothing will ever be safe. Your
magic is demonic in nature; perhaps it is
better to not know what the source is.

Which Disney Villain are you? (Updated - Now with 22 Results!)
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Saturday, September 18, 2004

The Peppermint Swirl and Other Perversions, Part 2

Continuing On...You know, most of these, um, activities, are heterosexual. Though I'm sure the rest of us can use our imaginations. Now, below (# 57 on our countdown) you'll find the fabulous "Jelly Doughnut." Now, I have also heard of this referred to as a "Peppermint Swirl." I like that name better. It's just plain funnier. Plus I hate jelly doughnuts. Now THAT'S something I think would be funny to do to a guy I really don't like.

53) The Technical Knockout (TKO): Any three of the above events performed upon the same person over the course of a single evening.
54) The Clean Sweep: Any four of the above events performed upon the same person.
55) The Grand Slam: Any four of the above events performed over the course of a single evening.
56) The Rape and Pillage: Any four of the above events performed upon the same person over the course of a single evening.
57) Jelly Doughnut: After you cum on a chick's face, you punch her in the nose and make it bleed.
58) Shrimping: When I guy cums in another guys ass and then another guy drinks it with a straw.
59) Peel the Orange: This is when you are pummeling a girl "doggy style" and you reach to peel apart the butt cheeks.
60) Bust a Big Peter North Bag Blow: This really needs no defining, but I will for the novice: This is when you have not "gone hollow" or "banged a donut" or "stuffed it in" for several weeks. The buildup is so ridiculous that when you finally climax you blow enough jizimazium that you could fill a small Jacuzzi. This is quite a relief for the guy, but a messy nightmare for the girl...
61) Francois Papillion Arch: This is a move that must be demonstrated in person and is pretty fucking key. You basically pummel a girl doggy style and arch your back while peeling the orange (her ass) and grabbing your right butt cheek and peeling your own orange. Most crack up while performing this key act, Best time to do it is when there is like a ten foot mirror in the bedroom, it just adds this key Spice Channel feel to the whole thing...
62) Houdini Fuck: (for BP and Liver) Doing a girl doggie style, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks you came, when she turns around blow a load in her face.
63) Blumpie: A blowjob performed whilst the receiver is taking a dump.
64) Ether Bunny: To knock out a friend, room-mate, or some other unsuspecting Joe with ether while they sleep, then fuck them in the ass.
65) My little pony: Doing it doggie style while having her harnessed around the mouth with her dirty underwear while pulling tight.
67) Sack Lunch: Getting your balls licked while being deep-throated.
68) Bunny Hop: While fucking your girlfriend doggystyle, go from her cunt to the backdoor or vice-versa, all in stride. Do this repetitively and it becomes the jackrabbit.
69) The Baked Potato: When a girl is lying flat on her back and you are eatin her ou t and she is giving you a blow job you shit all over her face!
70) Getting Redwings: When you eat out a girl when she is on her period.
71) The Desperate Dawg: Watching a girl throw up on all fours into toilet, then, in desperation, pulling down her clothing and preceding to fuck her doggie style or in the ass, whichever you can get to first.
72) The Over Bite: When you are eating pussy and for some strange reason you taste shit. Then you proceed to punch her in the face.
73) Ketchup Popsicle: When a guy fucks a girl on her period, or when she is a virgin and then proceeds to make her suck off the blood on his dick.
74) The Camel Toe: When a girl bends over to pick something up you pull down her drawers stick your big toe in her ass and proceed to boot her in the face.
75) The Dr. Brown Thumb: When a girl bends over to pick something up you pull down her drawers stick your big thumb in her ass and proceed to boot her in the face.
76) Alaskan Pipeline: When you take a huge dump in log form and freeze it. then keep it in a cooler when going at it and shove it up her ass.
77) The "Rusty Trombone": happens when you have a girl eating out your ass while you are standing, then she continues to reach up in between your legs and jerks you off.
78) Samoan Pile Driver: (aka Hoboken Pile Driver)A sexual position that occurs when a woman*s back and the bed are perpendicular, but she is upside down. The man stands above the woman and points his gig due south, simply bending his knees for repeated stroking.
79) Whale's eye: A Woman's privates. Ever see the eyes on a blue whale, humpback whale, sperm whale, killer whale, etc? If not, check out an issue of National Geographic.
80) Balloon Knot: The Backdoor. The anus. The poop-chute. The "fudge factory", if you will. You know, the asshole.
81) Coney Island Whitefish: A used condom, usually found floating in the water.
82) New Jersey Meathook: When a man inserts his finger in the ass of his partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. Most effective from behind.
83) Snowballing: When a man comes in a girl*s mouth then she spits it back into his mouth or it can be into another girls mouth.
84) Fanny Batter: In Britain we call a woman's privates the FANNY and of course all the beautiful homemade lubricant is the BATTER. It always gets my mates rolling, when in the local chip shop - I order the haddock with EXTRA fanny batter.
85) Brushback Pitch: When you're getting head, yell "Batter Up!" Then, quickly pull out and give her a dick in the ear.
86) Cropduster: When spooning with your woman, and you are in front with your back to her front, if a fart accidentally sneaks out into her bush, it's called crop-dusting.
87) Dutch Oven: Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).
88) Dutch Treat: The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly wrong. Very messy indeed.
89) Tupperware Party: When three guys are triple-teaming a chick: one with his penis in her mouth, another in her vagina, and the third in her anus. So named because she is sealed air-tight.
90) Arabian Goggles: A seldom-seen maneuver involving the testicles where the satchel is spread wide and placed on the face of the "ride", thus resting the balls in the gogglee's eye sockets.
91) Beef Curtain: The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam (a.k.a. Beef Drapes, Meat Tarp, Piss Flappers, Quim Nuts, Vertical Bacon Sandwich).
92) Blocking The Box: When you and your pal are double-teaming a chick-he's got her from behind, you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later (aka Access Denied Error, Road Closed Due to Bad Conditions).
93) Davy Crockett: A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxant into your gals snizzpod, then slide your entire head in, thus wearing her now relaxed snatch like a coonskin cap.
94) Flying Squirrel: When a guy spreads his balls to receive a licking right up the middle.
95) Game of Smiles: This game involves men sitting around a circular table and a woman giving random blowjobs underneath the table. Anyone who "smiles" has to buy a round of beer for the rest. It's a Boy's Town specialty!
96) Glazed Doughnut: The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and geeshing all over her pastry-buns, thus transforming her rump into the illusion of an oversized, quivering glazed doughnut.
97) Gum Job: A girl who removes her false teeth before blowing you to due away with any potential for teeth scrapage.
98) Gum Job (Medieval): While fucking a girl, you give her a donkey punch. Then, remove all of her teeth with a pair of pliers. Continue with gum job above.
99) High Speed Shock Absorber: The big nose of a chick - refers to how it helps out while you*re fucking her face.
100) Houdini: When doing a chick doggie style, yell loudly and spit on her back to simulate ejaculation. Then, when she turns around to look back at you, blast her in the face with you man seed.
101) Sneaky Pete: This occurs when throwing it to your lady doggy-style. Get going with long, fast strokes, (see high dive ) and pull all the way out during a stroke and replant yourself in her ass instead of her box. If she complains, you can say it was an accident.
102) Key West Boomerang: Refers to a man inserting his penis into his own anus. This is not physically possible for all men, but can be pleasurable for those who achieve it. The anus is lubricated, the testes are pushed to one side and the semi-erect glans penis is pushed into the anus.

When You Love Somebody.../The Peppermint Swirl and Other Perversions

Ok, today's entry isn't so much of a post as it is a fabulous list of sexual things you can do at home with your own partner. Now, I'm not advocating any of these things, nor will I be responsible for the consequenses. I merely present these things for your own enjoyment at your discretion... So here is Part 1 of a 2-part series Which I am entitling "The Peppermint Swirl and Other Perversions.

1) The Dirty Sanchez: When you're going at it doggy-style and just as you're about to spill your load, you plunge a finger into her poop shoot and reach around to her upper lip, where you proceed to paint on "The Dirty Sanchez."
Slimy Snatchita: (aka Dirty Juanita)It*s basically the same concept as the Dirty Sanchez. Instead of shit, get your finger all bloody and she won't know anything is wrong until the morning when she awakes with a crusty dry-blood moustache.
Dirty Schultz: Same as Dirty Sanchez, except you give yourself the shitstache.
2) The Wet Burrito: Similar to the Dirty Sanchez, only performed with your own ball sweat..
3) The Code of Silence: Anytime you fuck a girl that's so dirty or ugly that you rip off the used condom, gag her with it, and tell her that you'll kill her if she tells a soul what just happened between the two of you.
To read the next 99, click the "read more" link below...
...and post your comments DAMNIT!
4) The Coyote: When you wake up the morning after sex with an absolute beast to find that she's sleeping on your arm and rather than have to talk to her or, god forbid, touch her again, you gnaw your own arm off and leave it there.
5) The Purple Mushroom: When your receiving a little oral pleasure from a girl and just before you shoot your load, you whip it out of her mouth and try to impale her cheek. The impression it leaves resembles a purple mushroom.
6) The Divot: A must for golfers! When you've got your hand below the belt on some girl with a fair amount of bush, you grab on to as much of it as you can, scream "Fore!" and rip every last pube out of her.
7) The Bronco: When you're taking a girl doggy-style and just at the moment of climax you reach around, grab her tits as tightly as you can, scream out another girl's name, and enjoy the sensation as she tries to buck you off.
8) The Rodeo: A variation of the Bronco where a bunch of your closest friends are hidden in a bedroom closet prior to the sexual encounter. At some type of a prompt, they all run out with a video camera and you try and see how long you can stay on as she tries to get away.
9) The Pearl Necklace: When you are enjoying a fine blowjob or titty-fucking session and you happen to leave a line of droplets resembling a string of pearls around her neck.
10) The New York Style Taco: Any time that you are so drunk that you go down on a girl and puke in her box.
11) The Stinky Pinky: When you're going at it from the back and you insert a pinky finger in along side your member, reach around front, and plunge it so far into her nostril that it tilts her head back.
12) The Gobstopper: When you're receiving a hand job and just as you're about to come, the girl decides to squeeze your unit with all of her might and cap you off with her thumb.
13) The Stranger: When the tedium of your nightly jerk off becomes too much so you sit on your hand until it falls asleep, giving the sensation of someone else doing it.
14) The Donkey Punch: When you're attacking a girl from the back and at the moment of climax you pull out, plunge it into her cornhole, let out a mighty "Hee Haw!" and punch her in the back of the head. Note: In order to fully enjoy the Donkey Punch, you must knock her out as this results in a tightening of the asshole.
15) The Hot Lunch (aka Cleveland Steamer, aka Hot Carl): When you're receiving a blow job from a position where you're crouched over her face on all fours and you drop a monster shit right onto her chest.
16) The Chili Dog: A variation of above where you proceed to titty-fuck her afterwards.
17) The Shocker: When you're fingering a girl and decide to give her a surprise so you insert a digit or two into her asshole.
18) The Beetle Clip: You insert your thumb into the snatch and forefinger into the poopshoot and try your damndest to make them touch each other.
19) The Six Pack: When performing the above and you attempt to carry the girl around (similar to the way you would a six pack).
20) The Golden Shower (aka Watersports): Any shape or form of urinating on or in a girl.
21) The Bismarck: When you've got your dick buried to the hilt in some girl's throat and you pull out to sign her face, then belt her, and smear the blood and come together.
22) Tossing Salad (aka Rim Job): A common prison practice that could also be termed "eating asshole."
23) The Cave: When you blow your load into a girl's mouth and proceed to kick her teeth in, making her mouth look like a cave.
24) The Bullwinkle: When you're entering your partner from the rear and you reach up front, wrench her nipples as hard as you can, put your hands up to the sides of your head like antlers, and wiggle your fingers and stick out your tongue while emitting a high pitched turkey gobble.
25) Felching: A homosexual activity in which one fag fucks another and proceeds to suck his own splooge out of his partner's asshole with a straw. This one's not even popular in prison.
26) The Dog in the Bathtub: The name given to attempting to drop your nuts into a girl's asshole. Aptly named as it's about the only thing harder than getting a dog into a bathtub.
27) The Dolphin: When you're giving it to a girl from behind and you pull out to stuff it in her butt when she turns her head around and whimpers, "Uh Uh, Uh Uh," sounding exactly like a dolphin.
28) The V-Plow: When you're muff diving and in order to look up at the girl you drag your whole face through here snatch, nose proudly leading the way, parting that nasty labia.
29) The Crimson Tide: When you're going down on some girl and, to your surprise, the lunar alignment dictates that her monthly flow has just to begun.
30) The Free Willy: When you've worked up such a throbber that when some girl unzips your pants to give you a hummer, you spring forth and poke her eye out harpoon style.
31) The Mudslide: After convincing some girl to give you a little ass munching action, you proceed to unleash a massive flow of diarrhea and sit there and laugh as it runs down her face and body.
32) The Fortune Cookie: After you're done banging some chick, you slip the condom off as you pull out, leaving it in there for the next customer.
33) The Eiffel Tower: When you and a friend decide to work a girl over together. You get her down on all fours with one of you in her mouth and the other going at it doggy style. From this position you give one another a mighty, two-handed high five, making the entire structure resemble theEiffel tower.
34) The Angry Dragon: On the first round of the night, work up an extremely large load during a blow job. Just before you're about to explode, grab the back of her head and ram your unit as far down her throat as possible, causing her to gag on your pint of fluid. The result? She spews it out of her nose, making her resemble an angry dragon.
35) The Flying Camel: A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a camel in distress. Strictly a class move.
36) The Fishhook: A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
37) The Ram: Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall against her head should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
38) The Fountain of You: While sitting on her face and having her eat your asshole, jerk off like a madman, build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, and spew like a geyser all over her neck, tits, and stomach (Better in her bed).
39) The Pink Glove: This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. This is referred to as the pink glove.
40) The Fish Eye: Fucking her from behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are in prison) whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell is going on back there.
41) The Fur Ball: You're chomping away at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
42) Tea Bagging: When she takes your whole scrotum into her mouth and holds it there like a tea bag in a cup of hot water.
43) The Hummer: While sucking on your rod, she emits a low humming noise. The vibrations from her throat make it all too easy to bring her concert to a quick end.
44) Snow Balling: Occurs when some chick takes your load in her mouth and has the audacity come up and kiss you while it's still in there.
45) The Camel Clutch: When she's lying on her stomach with you giving itto her from behind and you decide to emulate the Iron Sheik through his signature move, grabbing her underneath the chin and pulling straight back with both hands.
46) The Rumpledforeskin: When some girl makes you stop fucking her because she somehow realizes that you don't remember her name, causing you to go limp (like the fairy tale).
47) The Skull Fuck: The act of removing a person's eye (unless you really luck out and find someone who's already lost one) and fucking the gaping whole left in its place.
48) One in the Fridge, One in the Freezer: Another one that requires a partner, this simply refers to you and a buddy putting one in her pussy and another in her butt, and simultaneously trying to reach her uterus and large intestine.
49) The Repunzel: When no amount of suggestion, persuasion, or begging will get a girl to go down on you and you're forced to resort to simply pulling her head down there by the hair.
50) The Boston Cooler: Any form of oral stimulation in which you cleverly conceal ice cubes in you mouth to surprise your partner. and*...
51) The Triple Crown: Any three of the above events performed upon the same person.
52) The Hat Trick: Any three of the above events performed over the course of a single evening.