Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Rhombused in Richmond

subtitle: I’m so excited, I’m so excited!

"Hello! Anyone home?"

I was just pondering how the days have gotten so short…the Winter Solstice is only a week away. Man, it seems like just yesterday it was the long hazy days of midsummer. Time seems to go so fast sometimes! I don’t know if that’s necessarily a good thing, either.
Well, what happened this weekend? My friend Kurt picked me up on Saturday morning (yes, early Saturday morning) and we decided to do some more early shopping. Damn, I’m starting to sound like a suburban soccer-mom, getting all excited over early morning holiday shop-a-thons! Hold on, gotta get the brownies out of the oven. Ok seriously, so we went all the way out to Manassas Mall. Why, I’m not sure. But a town that has the words “Man” and “Ass” in its name has got to be good…or so one would think. The mall sucked and I didn’t get a whole lot, but it was fun hanging out with Kurt. Afterwards I went home, and got ready to drive down to Richmond and meet PJ at his work.
I made it in decent time, despite getting lost at one point. We shared a cup of bubble tea, and went back to his place. We exchanged ChrismaHannuKwaanzikah gifts. It turns out he already owned the two things I bought him, so we exchanged them, got something to eat and went to his friend Laura’s place. It was nice meeting her, and despite the drama she was having that night with her boyfriend (another story altogether) we went to a bar/club in downtown Richmond.
Getting Rhombused with the Santas:
This is where it starts to get surreal. So the place was called Tiki Bob’s. For reasons I never did learn, it was men-dress-as-Santa-Claus night, I suppose. Now, keep in mind I haven’t been in a bar with that many straight people (or white people) in a long time. I mean common, DC is largely racially mixed and I go to the clubs in the gay-bourhood. But even worse, seeing 1,000 heterosexual Santas trying to dance to hip-hop while scantily clad bimbos danced on stage. I guess if I were straight I’d like that kinda stuff?
Which got me onto another surreal thought: as I stood there watching all of this, I wondered, “Would this be me and my friends if we were all straight and there was no such thing as being gay?”
Then, I tried thinking of certain gay people I know, and what they would look like, how they would dress, etc. if they’d been born straight. I tried imagining my gay male friends lusting after pussy! It was quite funny, let me tell you.
On the way home, being very stupid in Laura’s car, we came up with the phrase “rhombused.” As in the shape rhombus (remember from geometry class?). I can’t even remember how we got to that joke, but when we did, it seemed really funny at the time. Guess you had to be there. So, dictionary people, let me present to you a new entry for your 2005 dictionaries of the English language.
Rhombused – (verb) See also beat, dissed, insulted, outdone. Example: “You just got rhombused, girl!”
Ah, the weird inside jokes inspired by alcohol.
The next day while sleeping in, we watched on of PJ's favorite shows, "Saved By The Bell." My favorite was the episode "Jessie's Song" in which Jessie get's hooked on caffeine pills in order to study and do shitty music with the other girls. She winds up having a bad trip and singing the Pointer Sister's "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...scared!" Truly racy stuff for the times, I suppose.
Later, PJ took me to Carytown, a section of Richmond that is quite interesting and reminds me a bit of Dupont Circle. We had brunch at the Galaxy Diner and walked around and perused all the neat little shops. By late that afternoon I had to return home, so sadly I had to leave.

Blue Ring Octopus
You are DANGEROUS! The blue ring octopus has a
venom that paralyzes its victim. Even though
the victim can still think clearly, it cannot
move or speak. You live near Australia, and
even though you are very good looking, just
like a James Bond villain, you are quite

Which Cephlapod Are You?
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So let’s see, that brings us to Monday. Before going to work I was hanging out at Soho after having pad thai at Hunan Dynasty (P & 21st St.) and met this guy who I’ve met before (as usual I’m avoiding names to protect the innocent) and he offered me a PR job for a large non-profit group he directs (again, the importance of not naming names). Long story short, after work, he called me and invited me to his apartment over on 17th St.
Well, I should’ve seen it coming. He’s an older gentleman…ok, he’s 60. He made me a cup of jasmine tea and started discussing the job and all that stuff. Then he tells me I’m very attractive. Then he’s sitting next to me in the couch. Then his hands are on me. Next thing I know he’s pulling me on top of him and grabbing me.
Now, trying to be as professional, polite, and understanding as I could be, I told him I felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave. He apologized, but I was still really creeped out by the whole thing. I don’t know what I’m going to do. He still wants me to take this job, but I really don’t know. It sounds good, but I’d have a chickenhawk for a boss. WHY!
Last night, walking away from his apartment, it was SO cold and windy. Tonight was cold too. And more drama!
On the way to work the train cars I was riding on to work on the red-line of the Metro broke down. All passengers had to get off and wait in the freezing cold (it was an above-ground station) until the train could be moved and a new train came to pick us up. I was late for work, but no big deal. But damn, the Metro can be such a pain sometimes.
When I got off work tonight, there was the first snow of the season. I love snow, what more can I say? It didn’t snow much, but it’s so pretty. And that has been my week in review.

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