Friday, February 26, 2010

That Little Voice...

While I am very excited about the upcoming move, I have to confess I also have a few moments of panic. It has nothing to do with whether or not I think I could be compatible with Sean or not. It's larger than that, really.

I had sort of a "moment of clarity" today when I realized what I think is the root of some of the issues in our relationship I've had in the past, things that went unnamed because I couldn't wrap my mind around what the root problem was. I really do think, now, that it's about commitment. Or rather, being able to do the things I want in life.

Do you ever have that little voice in your head that says "Run!" ?

I get that sometimes. This is nothing against Sean at all. He really is the most amazing man I've ever found. But, I feel like my "window of opportunity" is drawing to a close - my twenties are almost over. The further you go along the harder it is to change any course. I do not want to be in the same place doing the same things two, five, ten years from now. Wondering where those years went, much as I do now having lived in DC for a decade.

I've learned how easy it is to let years pass under the bridge... putting things off, putting dreams on the shelf. I don't want to do that. And sometimes I think it's even easier to fall into that hypnosis of mundane life when you tie yourself with another person.

Some days I want to run, I want to move far away and start fresh. And I think it's perfectly human to feel that way. I think a lot of us have these feelings in our relationships, even if we bury them somewhere dark and secret.

When you ask me tomorrow I may feel completely different. My blog can be silly sometimes, but I also come here to work out issues (albeit in a rather public forum). But I have to be honest with how I feel, and it helps to get it out on words...

Thursday, February 25, 2010

A Moment for Reflection...

A strange selection for a cold winter day, I realize, but I came across this reading about a colleague who quoted this in an article... at any rate, I really was struck by the last two lines.

The Summer Day
Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Catching Up

Not much major has happened since my past post. Valentine's was nice, the snow is almost melted. I've seen my friends several times (though I've actualyl been more of a homebody than usual lately!)

Sean and I are continuing to plan our moving in with each other. I haven't set a date as of yet, but I imagine it will be soon. Sean has some repairs and remodeling to finish up.

Soon I'll be a Real Housewife of McLean lol

Great Lake Swimmers : Your Rocky Spine

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Year of the Tiger

It's Valentine's Day tomorrow, and also Chinese New Year, year of the tiger. Tonight I'm going to dinner with Sean to Mon Ami Gabi - it was where we celebrated our first Valentine's together (and, if I recall, it was snowy then, too). This makes our fourth Valentine's day, now.

Last night was the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Wish I was there to see it all in person. I did catch the ceremonies on TV last night while I was out. It was beautiful (though a tough act to follow after Beijing's in 2008). I liked the giant polar bear that came out of the floor...

Edward Cullen at My House

I don't know what I love more about this pic - my favorite sparkly vampire from Twilight, or the polar bear rug he's laying on. Actually screw Robert Pattinson, I'll take the rug.

Monday, February 08, 2010


I wished for some snow this winter, and I certainly did get it! It snowed last weekend, and then there was a massive snowstorm this weekend (17 inches roughly). More snow is expected tomorrow night, to boot!

Sean was snowed in with me the last three days. You know, it was really nice. We cooked for each other, watched movies, played in the snow... it was fun.

So before I go any further, I have to mention the events of last weekend. So after the snow, last Sunday, Sean and I went to Lowes to look at tiles and stuff for renovating his condo. All that flood damage from December has been fixed now, and he has some money left over that he's going to put into making the place nicer. Anyway, he was looking at dishwashers and asking me what I thought. I was like, this one's nice, but it's your place, so you make the decision. Then he basically said it's our place, and he would like me to live with him, and I said yes.

That's pretty much how it happened. I'll never forget the dishwasher section of Lowes. Sigh. There's no real timetable yet on when I'll actually move. We both have loose ends to tie up, we're both very busy. But this weekend snowed in together I think proved we really can live with each other without driving the other crazy, so that's a good thing.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Definition of the Day

Yesterday, Groundhog Day, the groundhog Phil saw his shadow, so maybe six more weeks of winter? There was a lot of snow, but unfortunately the streets are clear (for once) so I have to work today!

At any rate, here's something humorous I came across. Lada Gaga fans will appreciate this:

"Bluffin with my Muffin" - the offering of a baked good to distract your enemies so that you can make a quick escape.
'I was cornered my thieves on a dark, deserted street, and only managed to escape by bluffin' with my muffin (blueberry).'