Saturday, September 18, 2004

The Peppermint Swirl and Other Perversions, Part 2

Continuing On...You know, most of these, um, activities, are heterosexual. Though I'm sure the rest of us can use our imaginations. Now, below (# 57 on our countdown) you'll find the fabulous "Jelly Doughnut." Now, I have also heard of this referred to as a "Peppermint Swirl." I like that name better. It's just plain funnier. Plus I hate jelly doughnuts. Now THAT'S something I think would be funny to do to a guy I really don't like.

53) The Technical Knockout (TKO): Any three of the above events performed upon the same person over the course of a single evening.
54) The Clean Sweep: Any four of the above events performed upon the same person.
55) The Grand Slam: Any four of the above events performed over the course of a single evening.
56) The Rape and Pillage: Any four of the above events performed upon the same person over the course of a single evening.
57) Jelly Doughnut: After you cum on a chick's face, you punch her in the nose and make it bleed.
58) Shrimping: When I guy cums in another guys ass and then another guy drinks it with a straw.
59) Peel the Orange: This is when you are pummeling a girl "doggy style" and you reach to peel apart the butt cheeks.
60) Bust a Big Peter North Bag Blow: This really needs no defining, but I will for the novice: This is when you have not "gone hollow" or "banged a donut" or "stuffed it in" for several weeks. The buildup is so ridiculous that when you finally climax you blow enough jizimazium that you could fill a small Jacuzzi. This is quite a relief for the guy, but a messy nightmare for the girl...
61) Francois Papillion Arch: This is a move that must be demonstrated in person and is pretty fucking key. You basically pummel a girl doggy style and arch your back while peeling the orange (her ass) and grabbing your right butt cheek and peeling your own orange. Most crack up while performing this key act, Best time to do it is when there is like a ten foot mirror in the bedroom, it just adds this key Spice Channel feel to the whole thing...
62) Houdini Fuck: (for BP and Liver) Doing a girl doggie style, then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks you came, when she turns around blow a load in her face.
63) Blumpie: A blowjob performed whilst the receiver is taking a dump.
64) Ether Bunny: To knock out a friend, room-mate, or some other unsuspecting Joe with ether while they sleep, then fuck them in the ass.
65) My little pony: Doing it doggie style while having her harnessed around the mouth with her dirty underwear while pulling tight.
67) Sack Lunch: Getting your balls licked while being deep-throated.
68) Bunny Hop: While fucking your girlfriend doggystyle, go from her cunt to the backdoor or vice-versa, all in stride. Do this repetitively and it becomes the jackrabbit.
69) The Baked Potato: When a girl is lying flat on her back and you are eatin her ou t and she is giving you a blow job you shit all over her face!
70) Getting Redwings: When you eat out a girl when she is on her period.
71) The Desperate Dawg: Watching a girl throw up on all fours into toilet, then, in desperation, pulling down her clothing and preceding to fuck her doggie style or in the ass, whichever you can get to first.
72) The Over Bite: When you are eating pussy and for some strange reason you taste shit. Then you proceed to punch her in the face.
73) Ketchup Popsicle: When a guy fucks a girl on her period, or when she is a virgin and then proceeds to make her suck off the blood on his dick.
74) The Camel Toe: When a girl bends over to pick something up you pull down her drawers stick your big toe in her ass and proceed to boot her in the face.
75) The Dr. Brown Thumb: When a girl bends over to pick something up you pull down her drawers stick your big thumb in her ass and proceed to boot her in the face.
76) Alaskan Pipeline: When you take a huge dump in log form and freeze it. then keep it in a cooler when going at it and shove it up her ass.
77) The "Rusty Trombone": happens when you have a girl eating out your ass while you are standing, then she continues to reach up in between your legs and jerks you off.
78) Samoan Pile Driver: (aka Hoboken Pile Driver)A sexual position that occurs when a woman*s back and the bed are perpendicular, but she is upside down. The man stands above the woman and points his gig due south, simply bending his knees for repeated stroking.
79) Whale's eye: A Woman's privates. Ever see the eyes on a blue whale, humpback whale, sperm whale, killer whale, etc? If not, check out an issue of National Geographic.
80) Balloon Knot: The Backdoor. The anus. The poop-chute. The "fudge factory", if you will. You know, the asshole.
81) Coney Island Whitefish: A used condom, usually found floating in the water.
82) New Jersey Meathook: When a man inserts his finger in the ass of his partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. Most effective from behind.
83) Snowballing: When a man comes in a girl*s mouth then she spits it back into his mouth or it can be into another girls mouth.
84) Fanny Batter: In Britain we call a woman's privates the FANNY and of course all the beautiful homemade lubricant is the BATTER. It always gets my mates rolling, when in the local chip shop - I order the haddock with EXTRA fanny batter.
85) Brushback Pitch: When you're getting head, yell "Batter Up!" Then, quickly pull out and give her a dick in the ear.
86) Cropduster: When spooning with your woman, and you are in front with your back to her front, if a fart accidentally sneaks out into her bush, it's called crop-dusting.
87) Dutch Oven: Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).
88) Dutch Treat: The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly wrong. Very messy indeed.
89) Tupperware Party: When three guys are triple-teaming a chick: one with his penis in her mouth, another in her vagina, and the third in her anus. So named because she is sealed air-tight.
90) Arabian Goggles: A seldom-seen maneuver involving the testicles where the satchel is spread wide and placed on the face of the "ride", thus resting the balls in the gogglee's eye sockets.
91) Beef Curtain: The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam (a.k.a. Beef Drapes, Meat Tarp, Piss Flappers, Quim Nuts, Vertical Bacon Sandwich).
92) Blocking The Box: When you and your pal are double-teaming a chick-he's got her from behind, you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later (aka Access Denied Error, Road Closed Due to Bad Conditions).
93) Davy Crockett: A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxant into your gals snizzpod, then slide your entire head in, thus wearing her now relaxed snatch like a coonskin cap.
94) Flying Squirrel: When a guy spreads his balls to receive a licking right up the middle.
95) Game of Smiles: This game involves men sitting around a circular table and a woman giving random blowjobs underneath the table. Anyone who "smiles" has to buy a round of beer for the rest. It's a Boy's Town specialty!
96) Glazed Doughnut: The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and geeshing all over her pastry-buns, thus transforming her rump into the illusion of an oversized, quivering glazed doughnut.
97) Gum Job: A girl who removes her false teeth before blowing you to due away with any potential for teeth scrapage.
98) Gum Job (Medieval): While fucking a girl, you give her a donkey punch. Then, remove all of her teeth with a pair of pliers. Continue with gum job above.
99) High Speed Shock Absorber: The big nose of a chick - refers to how it helps out while you*re fucking her face.
100) Houdini: When doing a chick doggie style, yell loudly and spit on her back to simulate ejaculation. Then, when she turns around to look back at you, blast her in the face with you man seed.
101) Sneaky Pete: This occurs when throwing it to your lady doggy-style. Get going with long, fast strokes, (see high dive ) and pull all the way out during a stroke and replant yourself in her ass instead of her box. If she complains, you can say it was an accident.
102) Key West Boomerang: Refers to a man inserting his penis into his own anus. This is not physically possible for all men, but can be pleasurable for those who achieve it. The anus is lubricated, the testes are pushed to one side and the semi-erect glans penis is pushed into the anus.

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