Monday, August 29, 2005

The Freaks on the Street Go 'Round and 'Round

First off, thanks to Laura for her imput last week concerning the human stampede in Richmond. I sort of wish I could've been there... if only to stand on the sidelines laughing at all the people getting crushed. Ha ha.

My week of house sitting is over, but work has been really tedious as of late, working on a project that seems to keep growing day by day. My boss is on vacation, thus leaving me to do all sorts of silly stuff all by myself.

And now, I want to devote this post to all the homeless crazy people that make Dupont Circle so interesting. Over the years the same faces keep popping up every summer...which makes me wonder where these people go in the winter. Anyway, I know it's wrong to make fun of homeless, many of whom have genuine mental disorders. Thank-you Republican Party for not helping people have access to free health and mental care who really need it. Maybe I should direct all the homeless scizos to go camp on the White House lawn. That might change things. Or not. Anyway, here are some of the classic people that my friends and I have nicknamed and grown to love over the years..

- an older woman who wonders P Street, and known for the lifeguard whistle she wears around her neck. She's been known to stand by Dupont Circle fountain (after pissing her pants) and blowing her whistle, yelling "everybody out of the pool!" Apparently, according to when we spoke to her, she was once a lifeguard. Who knows if that's true, but that's her story.
Uranium Man - Bears an eerie resemblance to Fagan from "Oliver" and is known for his long dirty black trench coat. See photo:

He LOVES to discuss (even if you're not listening) his CIA conspiracy plots. Apparently, there's a tunnel to Liechtenstien under SOhO cafe, he knows the phone number to Air Force One, and the CIA can read his thoughts. And he claims that eating uranium is good for you. Might explain a few things about him.
Mama - A Dupont Circle classic. A Black lesbian who looks like a man from a distance, also goes by Dervin or Crystal. Gets paid by sweeping the front of P Street shops, but also known for her random screaming, and hitting on poor Raven. Loves to pick fights with the patrons of The Fireplace bar.
Gypsy - She looks like, well, a gypsy. An older homeless woman who gets REALLY pissed when people call her Gypsy. Which is what makes it so much fun to confuse her by yelling "Gypsy!" and then pretending you didn't say anything. She apprently is looking for her son, or so she says.
There are so many others...but that will have to wait for another episode.
Speaking of episodes, tonight I'm looking forward to Fox's new show "Prison Break." Not because I'm a huge fan of TV, but because it's about unrealistically hot men going to prison. Hmmmm..well, I'll be a fan if they throw in some steamy rape scenes, or maybe some rough-trade sex with a sadistic warden.
I'm so transparent sometimes.

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