Cure for Insomnia

As you may be able to tell by the time this is being posted, I can't sleep. After teaching a night class I hung out with a friend in Dupont Circle drinking coffee...and now I can't sleep. Not that I have to get up early for anything tomorrow...or should I say later today, but still! (Not that I've ever been a morning person anyway).
Randomly, it occured to me today to creat a list of euphemisms, and what people really mean... so to that end here is my list of WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN WHEN THEY SAY

1) "I need my space" REALLY MEANS "I'm screwing around on you behind you back."

2) "I am quitting smoking" REALLY MEANS "I'm too cheap to buy my own cigarrettes, so I'll keep bumming off of you. If I don't buy them, then that means I'm not really a smoker anymore, right?"

3) "I'm re-evaluating what I want out of life" REALLY MEANS "I have no f***ing clue what I'm doing. I'm depressed."

4) "Oh my god, I'm so happy for you!" REALLY MEANS "You lucky motherf***er. That should've happened to me! Me, I say!"

5) "My (lover/boyfriend/friend/self etc) has issues" REALLY MEANS "(whoever) is just plain crazy. Where are the meds?"

6) "They have a great personality!" REALLY MEANS "They are ugly as sin. I had to find something nice to say" This could also apply to "They/you have such a pretty face!" REALLY MEANS: "They/you have a pretty face...too bad the rest ain't."

The list could go on forever! Have any good ones to add? Let me know!


your bitch.


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